His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
