I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
