It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
