I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize