Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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