I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
