i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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