Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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