Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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