Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got inside last night via doggy door
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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