Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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