u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
