Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here