As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.