I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?