but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
