That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
