Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
