If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
