She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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