ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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