Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
