smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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