I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
