I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this will be a night to untag.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
