The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
