What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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