Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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