You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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