The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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