Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
