then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
