dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
