He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
