so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
