Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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