Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
