is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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