So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
