remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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