U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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