I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
