My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
