I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize