did you get engaged???
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
