My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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