I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
