she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
