Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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