You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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