Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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