And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
