just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
