Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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