I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
