i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
