You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
