It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
