I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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