I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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