I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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