When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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