Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
