I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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