I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
