He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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