i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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