Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize