he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
