Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
