I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
