She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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