Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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