dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
