also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
