My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
