I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
