May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
