Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
