White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
