i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
