We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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