If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
