sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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